moriahbard:

Important cat facts:

1) Fat kitties is best kitties.

2) When kitties lie on their backs with their tummies showing, it means they feel comfortable. If they show you their tummies, feel honored! It means they feel comfortable around you.

3) THIS IS NOT AN INVITATION TO PET THE TUMMY. I know this is the exact opposite of dog body language and may be confusing. But even comfortable kitties are still tiny warriors and don’t really like people reaching for their vulnerable underbelly. Remember that when a kitty is on their back, ALL of their pointy bits are directly facing you, and they will not hesitate to use said pointy bits.

4) If a kitty loves you very much, and is very sleepy, it may be okay to veeeeery gently touch the tummy (though starting with the chest is the safest approach). If you are blessed by Bastet and all the kitty goddesses, the kitty will let you nuzzle their tummy with your face. This is the greatest sensation known to humankind. It is also an ADVANCED MOVE and should never be attempted by cat novices.

These have been important cat facts. Thank you.

The Best April Fools’ Prank (That I Shall Ever Do)

jabberwockyx:

justatiltedlamp:

Once upon a time, I decided that it was my solemn obligation to prank my friends before we graduated.

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So…I made Hogwarts Acceptance letters. A lot of them. Because who isn’t still waiting for their freaking letter to arrive?

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My hand hated me so much. Also, cursive G is the worst.

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Letters were posted. All was well.

Until this happened…

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What the-?

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This is literally the best thing I have ever seen in my entire life.

xmissdaryldixon:

theraginazian:

desmond-the-creppy-bear:

srsfunny:

Soft rocks…http://srsfunny.tumblr.com/

can you imagine though
you send your enemies a rather large amount of these in various sizes. you leave no return address or explanation. they open all the boxes to discover these wondrous pillows. they are reluctant to keep them but eventually they give in and integrate them into their home like the above pictures. after a few weeks or even months, theyve gotten accustomed to having them in their home and routinely relax in a large pile of the odd pillows. until one night you just take every single one back and replace them with actual rocks of the same dimensions so that when its time for them to relax and unwind from their day day fall into a pile of hard unmoving boulders. they break their spine and are paralyzed. you have won

What the fuck is wrong with you…


Calm down Satan

xmissdaryldixon:

theraginazian:

desmond-the-creppy-bear:

srsfunny:

Soft rocks…
http://srsfunny.tumblr.com/

can you imagine though

you send your enemies a rather large amount of these in various sizes. you leave no return address or explanation. they open all the boxes to discover these wondrous pillows. they are reluctant to keep them but eventually they give in and integrate them into their home like the above pictures. after a few weeks or even months, theyve gotten accustomed to having them in their home and routinely relax in a large pile of the odd pillows. until one night you just take every single one back and replace them with actual rocks of the same dimensions so that when its time for them to relax and unwind from their day day fall into a pile of hard unmoving boulders. they break their spine and are paralyzed. you have won

What the fuck is wrong with you…

Calm down Satan